Life on the farm...

I started on this path because I have been having several issues in my life recently. I am turning 40 soon; my kids have all grown up and left the nest, relationship issues, severe depression, abandonment issues and a lot of fear and anxiety. My life is not where I want it to be and I am not happy. I started therapy and have been trying to figure out how to cope with life and deal with my issues. This has not been easy. I am still having problems return as I work through them.

 My life is kind of an oxymoron at the moment; I have a boyfriend (we shall keep with the farmyard theme here and call him "pig") Not to be sexist or anything n- come on, I am calling myself a "cow!" Anyway, my relationship is a little strange in that it is not monogamous. I have been in this relationship for a long time and while it has been working, some recent developments have shaken the foundation and increased my fear and anxiety. Namely a new person has recently come into my boyfriend's life and it has rocked my little farm to its breaking point. It shouldn't…but it has.



It's sort of like the "Perfect storm" of my self-defeating image and loss of self control. My self esteem has plummeted and my sense of security has taken a plunge into the depths of a ravenous cavern of my own making. I no longer feel safe in my home or relationship, which is why I need to make some changes in my life to gain all of that back.Why don't you just leave if you are unhappy? This is a great question but I don't want to leaven – I want to make things better. All of these problems mean I have some issues to work on and leaving my relationship will not fix them. I love my Pig very much and want to spend the rest of my life with him and not even these problems can change that. Even if I do leave, I will forever be hounded with heaviness in my heart that stems from fear. I must face these issues head on and defeat my demons if I am ever to be at peace.
Wow, not many people know that... guess they still don't because who is reading this anyway? J