Today I have an appointment with the therapist. I have been having a shitty week and it's only Monday - go figure. My boyfriend hasn't spent the night at my house in over a week - I keep pushing him away. The funny thing is i don't know why - I really want to be held and kissed and all that stuff but I can't help think that I am just a stand-in for what he really wants. So what, you say, get yours and move on. I wish i could but i feel like that would be using him and i don't want to feel like that - i want a partner in my life - not just someone to sleep with. that would make him no more than just a booty call. i am over booty calls at this stage in my life.
I guess i will just go to my appointment and let it be what it is and discuss whatever comes up. i am hoping to get some insight on how to start to let this crap go and learn to purge the emotions that are held so deep inside of me. I'll keep posting and trying to work through all of this.
The Unhappy Cow and the Search for Enlightenment
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