The Unhappy Cow and the Search for Enlightenment
Still have issues with inventing futures...I don't know why...now I am fixated that I am going to go home and catch him in bed with someone...how crazy is that? And why is it in my head? Why can't I just let it go already...I can't change anything...I am powerless over any of this shit but I just can't accept it....pisses me off
well...everyone is pissed off at me...again....I was doing the dishes because I want to bake christmas cookies tomorrow...and I want to get the house clean for christmas and so I was cleaning the kitchen,j asked me to come sit down because I'm not feeling well and. I said I just wanted to get it started because I have a lot of stuff to do...now everyone is all in a tizzy and mad at me...nothing new...can't seem to do anything right.... I didn't even ask for help and I was planning on doing it all myself... but now I just get to feel guilty while everyone throws shit and ignores me... merry christmas
Its none of my business...if they want me to know, they will tell me...I will not ask any more questions....I will not be a nusance..just be quiet and not meddle in other peoples business...
Its not any of my business..if they want me to know, theywill tell me
I wonder if I should offer to take the christmas presents back..he could have at least acknowledged my gift from this morning..I'm not messaging him...if he wants to talk to me...he can but I will probably never actually talk with him again...at least not about anything having to do with his life and I won't ask him questins about anything having to do with his life..not his day...not how he's feeling..nothing... not going to bother.... if he wants mee to know..ell tell me.... not going to pry..I'm obviously not an important part of his life....
I'm sorry for who I am..I'm sorry I am not the person you want me to be...I'm sorry for ruining everything...I'm sorry I make you angry...I'm sorry I can't be better...I'm sorry I am crazy and stupid...I'm sorry I don't think before I act...I'm sorry I forget ishouldnt speak outloud...I'm sorrry I don't nod my head and blindly agree all the time...I'm sorry I'm me...I'm sorry I ask questions..I'm sorry I feel lonely...I'm sorry I'm alone all the time...I'm sorry I don't have anyone to talk to...I'm sorry I want that person to be you...I'm sorry I get uoset...I'm sorry I ruined tonight...I'm sorry I don't make you happy..I'm sorry I'm not good enough...I'm sorry I make you mad...I'm sorry I ruin all the nice things you do...I'm sorry I'm lost..I'm sorry I'm insecure...I'm sorry I break things....I'm sorry I am not good at anything...imsorry I'm broken...I'm sorryyou won't work on things with me because you I'm the only one with a problem...I'm sorry I can't do this all alone..I'm srry I'm not strong enough...I'm sorry I messed things up...sorry I'm not important...I'm sorry ill never be good enugh..I'm sorry I won't ever learn to be silent.sorry I will never learn to be perfect...imsorry ill never be her...i m sorry I'm trying so hard to get you to notice me..I'm sorry for being me
